The New Joke Thread

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dule_rsfc
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by dule_rsfc » Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:44 pm

(Stolen from Facebook)

"Hi honey, this is Daddy... Is your Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's up stairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

Brief pause. Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Oh yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy right now."

"Uh, OK then...." Daddy says, "...here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay Daddy!"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?"

"Well Mommy got all scared, jumped out of the bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug and fell downstairs and she's not moving anymore."

"I'm sorry you had to see that, honey. What about 'Uncle Frank'?"

"He jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water for winter, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and he's not moving either."

Long pause.

Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? Is this 597-7039?".....

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Col
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by Col » Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:54 pm

:lol

jimb
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by jimb » Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:42 pm

I got mugged by six dwarves last night.

Not happy
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.

Hoofhearted
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Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 4:30 pm

Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by Hoofhearted » Sun Apr 07, 2019 4:28 pm

Just come back in from the Red Lion - almost Shit myself

I was stood at the bar and this Pakistani guy shouts out Allah Allah, Allah , Allah ....
Allah have a bag of cheese n Onion Crips

Trust me to find a stuttering Pakistani *,

Hoofhearted
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Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 4:30 pm

Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by Hoofhearted » Sun Apr 07, 2019 4:30 pm

I gave a piece of my mind to a conjoined twin earlier, but he didn’t listen.

It went in one ear and out his brother.

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