The New Joke Thread

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harry_rag
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by harry_rag » Thu Apr 09, 2020 1:50 pm

billybetred wrote:
Thu Apr 09, 2020 12:26 pm
Paddy was on his death bed and knew the end was near. 
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast . 
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes...
Remind me, Billy, what's the title of this thread? ;-)

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=80&p=217653#p216498

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Col
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by Col » Thu Apr 09, 2020 2:09 pm

:lol

Some jokes are worth repeating. :)

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billybetred
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by billybetred » Thu Apr 09, 2020 3:15 pm

Oh blimey.. someone sent it to me today .. I should have checked .. I'm as bad as the blokes in the joke *,

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harry_rag
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by harry_rag » Thu Apr 09, 2020 3:51 pm

:lol I've just been reading about the guy who managed to successfully cross a boomerang with an alligator. He always regretted it because he knew it would come back to bite him in the end! *,

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bollybear
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by bollybear » Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:46 am

A man went into a Bristol supermarket and tried to buy half a cauliflower. The very young greens-produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers. The man persisted, and asked to see the manager, and the boy went to find him.
Walking into the stock room, the boy said to his manager, "Some ************************ out there wants to buy half a cauliflower." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the customer standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet. Where are you from, son?"
"Cardiff, sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave Cardiff ?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing there but prostitutes and rugby players."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Cardiff."
"You're kidding?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"

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bollybear
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by bollybear » Mon May 04, 2020 3:55 pm

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay? As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch, I guess!"

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Col
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by Col » Mon May 04, 2020 4:51 pm

;x;

alancraik
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Post by alancraik » Wed Nov 18, 2020 11:19 am

anybody got any jokes?

I enjoy this line but hopeless at rememebering the punchline so pointless me posting.

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